Wow! What a ride the past six months have been. It’s time for one cycle to close, and a new one to begin. With summer here in the southern hemisphere coming to an end, so too does the wild, chaotic, outward exploration of experience this season has been. I knew it was going to be tough, but here I am… six months of non-stop action with one week to go before I head off on vacation to begin my 40th year of life on this crazy blue and green marble in space. This week feels as though it’s the grand finale after extreme amounts of energetic pushing, yet flowing at the same time. Does that even make sense? Somehow it does, and in a way I sense balance.
I am filled with a multiverse of emotion right now, and not wanting to get sucked into a victim mentality, but rather take a position of an objective witness, I begin to notice the culmination and effect of all that energy spent so relentlessly as I challenged myself to do my best. I have also been keeping tabs open on how my body is responding to being stretched and spread this thin.
I’m proud of myself for working harder than I’ve ever worked before and making personal sacrifices in favor of long term benefit, but I see it’s not been without consequences, and I thought I’d grab the opportunity to take myself off of any pedestals I may be sitting on anywhere. While I do succeed 99 per cent of the time to conduct myself mindfully, and with compassion and grace, I do have the rare day where I can be a total brat, and where I fall so far off the pedestal I wonder if I’m even in the same dimension as the day before.
Call it full-moon supermoon madness, which is the astrological weather as I write this… call it burnout, which is how my physical body feels… call it what you want, I really don’t have the energy to give to care about what anyone thinks of me right now and as a result, my shadow is busting to break free and go on a rampage. It’s quite startling to come face to face with my darkness after holding higher ground for an extended period. Still, I’m not going to judge myself for it. I choose to view myself and where I’m at with compassion. My ‘being’ is exhausted. But still, I write, because I made a commitment to persevere.
I do my best all the time. But today, ironically, as a testimonial a peer wrote for me was published on my wall gathering comments from my audience singing praises to me, my best has been falling into deep triggers of feeling volatile and angry to the point where I actually visualised headbutting someone in my ‘offline’ life. Today my feet are dirty, and so are my thoughts.
As I write this, I am in my shadow and ego. I am cranky and my temperament is on a short fuse. I’m exhausted and just want all the demands on my energy to leave me alone so I can rest and restore. My sharpness seems to be responding as armor to protect the part of me that’s in desperate need of some time off.
And so, before I take some space for the next month to rest, recuperate, and cruise the chasm between the old cycle and the new cycle, I want to take a moment to give my utmost appreciation and joy at connecting with you all over the first six months of being a ‘blogger’ and ‘guide’.
As I embarked on my journey to throw some shine on a shady world, I never imagined how much I would learn about myself, what I’m capable of, what I’m worthy of, and how enriching and rewarding pouring my heart and soul out for the whole world to read is, in hopes that it helped some other people. The journey has filled my heart with love and warmth, and I get more and more confirmation daily, that this is exactly where I’m meant to be in life right now. Even on days when ‘Dark Me’ takes gets hold of the steering wheel and takes the world for a joyride through the underworld to keep everyone, including me, on their toes.
I also am incredibly enjoying being completely vulnerable with ‘you’, my audience, the whole world, and showing you that I’m not a perfect human, and I am humbled at how understanding and accepting you have all been. I thank you deeply for that.
And even on days when I have been certain my words were not going to go down well and felt insecure about my work sometimes, you surprised me by favoring those posts the most, showing me you resonated with the realness and humanness of what I was experiencing.
For the next month, while I’m enjoying my deserved time off, I’m going to be posting inspirational memes and quote written by others, that I have really resonated with over the past six months. Some light and fun, some fierce and in your face, some soulful and wise. I’ll also be sharing posts by @coachyourinnercritic later in April, who will be my guest writer on my account. We’ll be seeing her spectacular awareness and conscious alertness speak on ego and also get snippets of her ebook. Feel free to follow her on her path as a life coach over in London, United Kingdom.
Behind the scenes though, just because I’m on vacation and you can’t see my energy moving, doesn’t mean seeds aren’t being sewn for when I’m back in May. I’ll have a whole new look planned, and I’ll be collaborating with some really inspiring humans who have all devoted their time on this planet to guiding others to alignment, health, and wholeness too. I’m so excited about the inspiration and ideas calling forth to be manifested through this channel.
I’ll be showcasing conscious brands and companies to bring to awareness to you that we do have healthier options for ourselves and that there are indeed organic, homegrown brands who do care about contributing positively to life and the planet.
I’ll be interviewing other journey guides from various healing modalities to share their different, yet impactful perspectives, in their areas of expertise, and I look forward to opening up to you and deepening my connection with you even more.
I really feel unafraid to be who I really am with you, despite it being a public platform. I feel completely comfortable to be myself with you, despite knowing I’m not the best in the world at anything specific. I feel safe to honestly tell you that I am by no means anything other than a regular human just winging it as I go. I do feel confident however that I have paid enough attention to what life is saying to me, and learnt enough about self love and self care to know how impactful it has been on my life to share with you what I have learnt so that you can use it as medicine for your life if you’ve tried everything else, without success.
It’s my honest opinion that learning to demonstrate and embody love toward myself has levelled me up in ways that are not easily expressible with words. Self love and self care will change your life. Of this I’m sure. I feel it’s the only time I will approach prescribing anything to anyone else… when I’m sure it will work for them too.
And so, to close this outward cycle, I now take a month to focus on self care again before travelling internally throughout the winter months on the southern side of the planet. Who knows where this next six months will take us, how we’ll evolve inside ourselves, and what will reflect outside as a reflection of our internal state to show us the road ahead.
Be well, and take care, until May.
With love, appreciation, and respect,
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