Accelerated Awakening Through Another And Claiming Purpose: My Twin Flame Journey
Spiritual awakenings can take many forms. This is the story of my awakening to higher purpose, and how I found my way to being a blogger. July 2019 marked the one-year anniversary of me blogging and being a committed Instagrammer. I have been reflecting on my journey thus far and let me tell you, inspiration to begin my blog did not come in the usual way at all. You’ll be surprised to learn it was not something I planned at all, but rather something spontaneous I stumbled on as life guided me toward it unknowingly.
I don’t believe we have free will. Well, not from how I’ve seen my life play out. I believe every choice we make is the choice we’re meant to make, and that life is going to manifest whatever lesson we need to learn in whatever format it takes to get us to where we need to be. I believe there are higher level itineraries set, and while the tiny beings we are can revel in the smells, sights, tastes and touches along our adventure through life, we are here on purpose. And come what may, hell or high water, life will get us there. I learned long ago that everything that happens has to happen, and nothing happens until it’s supposed to.
For me, my path and my purpose has revealed itself with more and more clarity as I settle into myself and am past a lot of the outside distractions and entertainment we have to hack our way through to fully focus on our evolution and be healthy in heart, mind, and soul.
As A Child, I Knew
I look back and see how, as a child, I used to play and put together little publications about all sorts of things that I would then give to my friends and family to read, how I told my dad when I was five-years-old that I wanted to be a journalist, and then how I went on to be a journalist for 10 years to learn to write for the communities around me. I was meant to be a messenger. Someone, somewhere would need to read the words I would write, and it would help them. That’s as much as I knew.
I remember writing a human interest piece for the newspaper I used to work at when I was 23, about a couple of South African women who had been arrested for smuggling drugs in Thailand, who were setup and framed by their boyfriends to take the stuff through, and they got caught and sentenced for life. The one woman was pregnant when she got caught and after giving birth in the Thai prison, they took the child away and sent it back to South Africa to live with the grandparents while the mother continued her life sentence.
From that article I wrote, some women who were headed to Thailand read my piece, and were inspired to take supplies and sundries to those women in prison. They took toilet paper, toothpaste, snacks, and things you just miss when in that nightmare of a situation. I cried happy tears when the travellers returned and contacted me to tell me the women were so surprised and grateful that strangers would do something so kind for them. The travellers reported the women running up and down like little girls at Christmas, all excited and happy. They asked the travellers how they came to know of them, and they showed them the story I had written. Through just my words, two women on the other side of the world who I would never meet’s lives were made better even if just for a day. And to me, that was the best feeling in the world.
Words have such power, as does being of service to others in a useful way. And while I can write about just about anything (even refrigeration and air conditioning), the higher consciousness messages that need transmitting pour through me easiest. It feels this is the reason I was put on this planet, in this life, with the skillset and experiences I’ve had at this moment in space and time. To share my experiences with others, to be fully myself, in an age where we can broadcast our own words to the world in a second for those who seek to find it. I very much feel on mission and on purpose with this work I am doing with my blog.
But would I have begun it on my own? It seems not. I was stagnating and wallowing in complacency. It seems life needed to manifest the exact circumstance to ensure I would get to where it wanted me to be, doing what it wanted me to be doing. I needed a bolt of lightning to get me moving, and life brought me the exact motivation it would take to dislodge me from complacency and playing small. I would like to share this experience with you.
This will be the first time I’m speaking publicly about this certainly ‘sacred to me’ subject that is now a deep, deep part of me, and has formed who I am today. It’s not a topic I’ve spoken about to many, perhaps only five of the people I know in my life who have the most open minds. There was and is still a lot of confusion around the experience, which I’m still working through. This is completely vulnerable space for me, and only recently have I reached a space of acceptance that it even happened, and surrendered to letting it go.
My experience began in March 2017. My life at the time was profoundly and deeply mundane and boring. I felt dead and numb inside. No will for anything. No hope for anything. I had just come out of a three-year awakening process where I was purged of everything I had once known and been to get me to let go of behaviour that wasn’t serving me anymore, which I fought tooth and nail. I was empty. A bunch of old pain had been cleared but I wasn’t quite anything new, and I had intense apathy toward everything. I just couldn’t be bothered. I was about to give up completely and move back to my parents on the other side of the country.
Meant To Be
If you’ve seen the movie ‘The Adjustment Bureau‘, you’ll understand the concept of higher forces stepping in to put you back on the necessary course when you’re about to veer way off track and go somewhere you’re just not meant to go. This is how my experience felt at this time. I had given up where I was, and had began applying for work on the other side of the country and was due to move at the end of the month. If I left the city I live in, I probably would not be where I am now. Life had to pull off something significant to get me to stay the course.
What better carrot to dangle in front of someone than the greatest love that ever was, is, or will be? I wasn’t looking for love. Heck, I didn’t even believe in that kind of love. I had come to inner peace with rather being a single woman my entire life than be committed to something that didn’t fully feel right. And nothing had ever felt right. And I was comfortable and okay with that.
But then there he was. Out of nowhere, he suddenly existed. The lightning bolt life found fit for the job. A casual summer fling for two weeks before he returned back across the world to his life. The deepest, easiest, funnest, most intimate, funniest, amazing, profound, sexy, gentle, naughty, authentic connection to ever explode into my life. I was toast and didn’t stand a chance not loving him.
I had no warning he was coming, and no time to put my guard up to protect myself. I was dead and then this bolt of lightning hit me head on and jolted me back to life, a fully inspired and animated version of myself. Magnetised and electric.
This man literally felt like ‘home’.
And then he disappeared. A ghost haunting me, as if it never happened and I imagined it all. He was in my dreams every night and on my mind all day. I would do anything to have him back in my life. Messages went unanswered. Tears fell for months because for the first time in my life, my entire soul missed someone. The emotional pain from not having him by my side was excruciating. I’ve had cancer. Cancer was a walk in the park compared to the what I went through missing this human.
Also Meant To Be
Old wounding split wide open again. Abandonment mostly. A little co-dependency. Wanting to control the outcome. Victim mentality. My inner child was devastated. Confused. My heart had broken wide open. Five months after he left, still, I sobbed like a widow who had lost her lifelong husband. I couldn’t shake him from my heart, my mind, my soul. I pushed, I pulled, I distracted, I numbed. All while working to become someone he would want.
I abandoned myself to try and get him back.
Where Was The Self Love?
My heart exploded broken several times. To the point where it forgot how to put itself back together. All the while, doing so in silence, with no-one to talk to about my ‘imaginary friend’ I kept walking away from. I felt crazy. The journey was completely insane at several points.
It felt familiarly like a soul contract. Like there was something that had to be done with this person, and there was a sense of it being of such importance that I had to get it right and not fuck it up because of how important it was.
My intuition was strong. I just knew what had to be done. What the next step was, and always, it pointed me within. To listen to my internal guidance. To listen to what I had learned through my shadow work. To not judge, and to let people live the life they wish for themselves, even if it doesn’t involve me. To love them, but let them go.
My intuition told me that sometime people are just catalysts, passing strangers to perform significant deeds for us, but that it didn’t mean it had to become something more, or that I had to be that relevant to him. A very hard pill to swallow for my battered and bruised ego. And surely, he resuscitated me, breathed life back into me, lit me up, and from that I was able to begin breathing life back into my own life. He saved my life, and for that I love him deeply and eternally.
I was happy with that being the contract. What a beautiful deed for that soul to agree to do for me. My higher consciousness understood I had to let him go, but my mind would not. Eight months after meeting him, still, I sobbed because my entire soul felt like it was screaming for him. He was the most incredible feast, and everything tasted like dirty dish water without him.
And then, one day, on a phone call with a stranger I needed to give technical website information to, some information came to me. The woman I was speaking to abruptly stopped our conversation and said “I’m sorry, but I’m being guided to ask you if you’re in a twin flame relationship?”
My resistance to the label kicked in immediately. “Firstly, I don’t know what a twin flame is, but even if I did I wouldn’t subscribe to a label in that way, and secondly, there is no relationship. There’s only a guy I met eight months ago and spent just four days with, who I can’t forget about. I think about him every day, and dream about him almost every night. But I’m sure he’s forgotten about me and that I meant nothing to him. He lives across the other side of the planet and it seemed so real, deep, and beautiful in the moments, but now he’s just gone and doesn’t seem to give a shit about me,” was my answer.
To that, she said: “My dear, what you’ve just described is a typical twin flame dynamic. The connection is designed to bring up all your old wounding for you to heal. Sometimes the twins end up together after healing has completed.”
Down The Rabbit Hole
I didn’t want to continue entertaining the subject, and so I took the conversation back to business. But at the back of my mind, I was curious. After the conversation on the phone, I began Googling. The information I found seemed to match my circumstance spot on. The runner, the chaser, the more spiritually evolved one in the pair, the more material, less spiritual one, the quick and deep initial encounter, the cosmic sex, the profound connection, and then the devastation as the ‘less spiritual one’ ran and disappeared while the ‘more spiritual one’ chased to get it back and keep it. The information spoke about the wounding that comes up for the one chasing, and that on an energetic level, chasing the twin would repel them further away. Separations were also accounted for as extremely common. The apparent path to successful union was through self healing.
I held the information with an open mind and a grain of salt. I didn’t believe this stuff. But it certainly did help me feel a little less crazy for not being able to let go of a random summer fling. It also lit another fire under my ass because not only would I move heaven and Earth for THAT love, I would also look at all the dark and scary places inside myself if it meant there was a chance it would result in the success of the connection.
And so I explored deeper. Internally and externally.
I also began searching YouTube for twin flame videos to find out more information and found the tarot readers. This is where things really started getting strange. I got completely hooked on watching the twin flame tarot readers. Not because they were predictive, but because what those women were saying was the only information I found to help me navigate the situation consciously, with self love, and self respect. They taught me about the energetic nature of the masculine and feminine, and also how to navigate using my internal guidance with compassion and an open heart while still putting down some firm boundaries about how I allowed myself to be treated by others.
The thing is, as mentioned before, life will find a way for us to learn the lessons we need to learn and it will manifest in the exact way to guarantee effectiveness. We will also manifest the information we need in whatever manner it can find its way to us. For me, the lessons and information I needed showed up through the twin flame template and these twin flame YouTube tarot readers. It was bizarre. I was completely insane and had lost my mind properly. Yet, I was learning, evolving, growing, and healing, so who am I to judge the package this level of awakening arrived in?
Also, the ascension process is pretty wild too. New intuitive gifts were coming into play, psychic gifts. Specifically to do with him. He would tell me things in my dreams, which I would dismiss, only to have him repeat them to me in waking life out of his own the next time I did speak to him. Information there was no way of me knowing. Intimate details about his life. I could also now flip tarot cards for my friends and do readings for them. Apparently, I am quite spot on.
The manifested advice that was coming through from the tarot readers was that when the feminine chases the masculine, she loses everything. But when she moves toward her healing and her mission work, her life becomes abundant. This message kept repeating and was basically drummed into my consciousness.
Journey Back To Self
That was over a year ago. Since then, my life has levelled up a million fold. I have an amazing job, working for a company I adore, I have the most amazing friends, a home I love, my finances are better than they’ve been in years, and I literally have so much energetic abundance flowing into my life from all areas. And I am pretty hardcore these days about what behaviour I allow from others. If it’s not healthy, I’m not interested. It doesn’t matter who it is.
I don’t speak to my ‘twin’ anymore. I love him deeply, and still think about him every day, and he’s still in my dreams most nights, but I’ve decided that I want better for myself. I’m happy to love him from a distance now. Should he show up one day and have learned to love and respect himself, and treat me the way I deserve, I may be open to him, but I’m not holding my breath. I’m moving on. I’ve re-centered with myself, devoted to my own authenticity with myself, and to giving myself what I initially expected him to give me.
Still, the connection is the gift that keeps on giving. It facilitated so much healing within me, it got me to reach higher for myself, and love myself, do my best for myself, and value myself. Through that experience, twin flame or not, I now have this blog and channel to help people through, that I have a lot of passion and devotion for.
Life brought me the exact circumstance that was needed to get me to this point, where I am living with purpose and on purpose. In service. It served up a double whammy with self love, respect, worth, and value being the ultimate gifts from the experience.
Soul contract for sure. That man played his part in my personal evolution to perfection, and it’s such a gift to look at this inner wealth and the relationship I have with myself, having met him. Of course, I’m not giving him all the credit… I was the one who chose to dig deep to pull myself out of complacency and did what it took to stop playing small to myself… to heal the abandonment and victimhood, but I couldn’t have done it without him. I love him for showing up in that way for me, even if it hurt like a motherfucker.
Turns out pain isn’t always punishment and pleasure isn’t always a reward.
At the end of the day, he was just the permission slip I/Life manifested to finally get me to this point, where I needed to be. Another layer of awakening. That’s what that experience was. A fast track ticket to learn self love and value, and then share what I’d learnt with everyone else.
Fuck yes. I see now why I had the sense of HAVING to get things right with him. Something so important did have to be done through knowing him. Learning self love is a task definitely not to be messed up. Even if the lesson was not consciously sought out by me at my tiny human level of consciousness.
Mind. Blown. This life is such a rush!
If you’re having a twin flame experience and you need some help coming unstuck or navigating the journey healthily, please contact me for a session. I can help you. You deserve inner peace and freedom. I know how intense the connection and journey can be!
Click here to schedule a session with me online to come unstuck from your Twin Flame experience.
I can assist you in learning to:
*Raise your vibration, expand your consciousness, or manifest your desires.
*Transform and become a conscious creator and choice maker.
*Shift through your self-limiting beliefs and step into a fuller, more vibrant version of yourself, and live your happiest, healthiest, wealthiest, best life.